What if you’re looking for authenticity in music, what then?
What if you’re confused, lonely, feel ostracised, can’t even begin to understand the unspoken social protocols of boy-girl, boy-boy relationships and teenage love, and you’re looking for ways to interpret and understand your own day-to-day life?
What if you understand that while music may be a performance, it is a performance that cuts far deeper and goes far closer to the heart of its audience than any similar medium (film, television, written) because often it feels like there is no separation between the performance and the performer?
What if music feeds directly into your sense of identity, gives you a reason to carry on – and not just a reason, but it also inspires you, confuses you, lifts you higher than any drug, takes you to another universe?
What if you treat music like a spurned lover?
What if the main time you encounter music is in the bedroom you share with your three brothers; sat next to your tinny, tiny Dansette mono record-player, with the coloured vinyl and beautifully designed record sleeves sprawled out on the floor next to you, hidden away in your own secret world?
What if you are so tired after battling with people and school all day, so burdened by your lack of actual human contact, that your favourite sound to listen to when you get back home early evening is soulful sensitive acerbic cutting two-minute pop songs?
What if you grew up believing there is no difference between pop and punk because of one band, and one band alone?
What if the reason you like or dislike music is not because it is “manufactured’ (what’s that?) or ‘inauthentic’ (what’s that?) or has that special half-second echo on the kick drum or the size of the marketing budget but because of the BEAUTIFUL BRUISED FUCKING GLORIOUS POP MUSIC ITSELF?
What if music is your life?
What if you are seeking diversion and understanding of the sort of fragile relationships you have no hope of entering into?
What if you have long thought that Pete Shelley is way more courageous and imaginative and talented and PUNK ROCK than any of his more feted macho male colleagues?
What if you grow up believing that stars don’t exist, just people – but simultaneously you have Secret Best Friends, people you can ride with out to the heavens?
What if you figure it’s OK to escape to reality, long as you can avoid the nastiness and incessant bullying?
What if you understood that growing up is doing nothing of the sort?
This performance feels real to me, but so the fuck what. Maybe I just love the sight of folk having a good time.
This entry is supposed to be read in conjunction with the previous day’s blog entry.
Favourite male punk band? There was no other.
Related posts: Pete Shelley R.I.P.